Well, actually, it was Melania who asked me, along with five separate requests for money in oddly specific amounts of $50, $100, $150, $200, $500, $1000, or $2000:
I briefly considered shotgunning a glass of milk and coughing up the healthiest loogy I could find to mail back to them, but I took the high road and wrote this:
Dear President Trump,
This morning, I was surprised to receive a letter from the First Lady, Melania Trump, asking me to sign a “pledge of support” for you and for the Republican Party.
I’m at a bit of a loss as to how this letter found its way to me, as I am a registered Democrat and have been openly critical of your administration and Congressional Republicans, which the First Amendment gives me absolute freedom to do.
In addition to this letter, I have also received two emails from the RNC asking for donations in your name (five requests for money in the space of three pages). Despite my requests to be unsubscribed from these emails, I still seem to be receiving them. Therefore, I am sending you a personal response in hopes this will clear up any misunderstanding regarding my personal viewpoints about your Presidency and the Republican Party.
Anyone who’s known me for more than thirty seconds can confirm I will be signing no “pledge” to your administration or to the Republican Party (obviously no donation as well). However, I would like to offer a “pledge” of my own to clear up any confusion.
First, I pledge to use my power as a voter on November 6, 2018 to thwart your corrosive agenda by ensuring that Democrats regain control of Congress. I understand this will most likely involve voting straight-ticket Democrat, which means I will be voting for candidates I am not 100% in love with and have done things I disagree with. I have made peace with this.
Going forward, I pledge to vote for and support politicians and political candidates who:
- Recognize that access to food, clothing, shelter and medical attention are fundamental human rights, and any nation that cannot ensure these for the least of its citizens is a failed state
- Recognize that we are a nation of many ethnicities, faiths and abilities, and that the citizens of the United States are entitled to representation in our nation’s legal and political system by their peers
- Pass legislation protecting the right of citizens to vote, including automatic voter registration, the institution of Election Day as a national holiday and the outlawing of voter-ID laws and other methods that have been proven to be attempts to disenfranchise a segment of American society
- Defend Roe v. Wade and mandate that women have access to family planning and contraception regardless of socioeconomic status, and ensure that women have 100% ownership of their bodies and healthcare decisions; also place commonsense health-education programs in schools that rely on practicality instead of superstition or religious dogma. Also re-authorize the Violence Against Women Act.
- Put robust consumer-protection measures back in place, including the strengthening of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and the reinstatement of Glass-Steagall
- Affirm that forced displays of patriotism have no place in a nation that was founded on individual freedoms and vigorously protect peaceful protest and whistleblowers
- Unconditionally condemn Nazism, ethnic nationalism, religious bigotry and other expressions of hatred that have no place in a society founded on equality
- Address income inequality, ensure that every able-bodied American has a job that pays the wages of a decent living, and institute tax penalties on billion-dollar corporations that refuse to pay a living wage
- Fix our crumbling infrastructure
- Fight to ensure that every American has access to quality healthcare, end the system of healthcare being tied to employment, and strictly forbid the gouging of Americans for life-saving treatment and medications
- Recognize that we are a nation of immigrants, and have always and will always depend on immigrants; create a simplified path to citizenship and an immigration enforcement system that relies on commonsense, humanity and justice instead of brutality, punitiveness and xenophobia
- Affirm that education is a fundamental right; strengthen and fund our national public schools, put extended-day programs in place for working parents and fund Head Start and school nutrition programs. Also, make college affordable for any American who desires a college education, step up funding for special education, and pay for credentials for special-ed teachers.
- Understand that in the 21st century, “national defense” isn’t about grotesque displays of nationalistic strength, but about protecting our online and physical infrastructure from intended or unintended threats, both from other countries and within. The first step is to safeguard our elections, followed by crippling sanctions and counterattacks on foreign nations who attack our national sovereignty by interfering in our election process.
- Take real steps to reform the electoral college or abolish it outright, as well as outlaw gerrymandering
- Affirm that every American has the right to clean air and water; put programs in place to combat climate change, sanction corporate polluters, work for independence from fossil fuels and put transitional programs in place for those in the oil and coal industries who need new jobs
- Demand financial transparency from political candidates with a law requiring the release of 20 prior years’ worth of federal tax returns for anyone seeking political office
- Defend and protect the right of ALL Americans to worship the God of their choice, or to not worship at all, and to preserve freedom of, and from, religion in the public square
- Affirm that a free press is a necessary check against tyranny, put increased penalties in place for the assault or harassment of journalists, repeal the 1996 Telecommunications Act provision that lifts the cap on the number of media outlets that can be owned by a single person or entity, and reinstate the Fairness Doctrine
- Enact common-sense gun reform that preserves the individual right to own and bear arms while banning weapons most commonly used in mass shootings. Ban lobbying by the NRA
Mr. President, I understand this is an ambitious list and I do not expect to see much of this achieved during my lifetime, but for now I’ll settle for seeing you out of office. Please don’t contact me again, as you’ve probably figured out by now it’s a waste of time.
Paul H. Nemeth
PS: You’re a billionaire and you couldn’t include a postage-paid return envelope?